Bramblestar's Apocalypse
by StupidSequel
Summary: Firestar gives a warning that an even greater storm is coming, and Bramblestar realizes that ThunderClan needs strength in numbers if it is to survive, so he travels all over the world rescuing kittypets and recruiting them. When his search brings him to west Africa, he brings doom to the Clans and it gets worse from there. We also learn how StarClan influences warrior names.


**Bramblestar's Apocalypse**

Takes place after Bramblestar's Storm.

During the Gathering, Mistystar spoke.

"That is definitely my kit," Graystripe chirped. "I'm so proud of her."

"Now that the water level in the lake has gone down to normal, our makeshift waterpark is less functional. This sucks for us because now we know what boredom is." Bramblestar's pelt itched with envy. Since the new rule was added to the Warrior Code about Clans forgetting borders in times of crisis, he had spent the past several moons brainstorming ways to cause a crisis just to visit RiverClan's waterpark.

It was Rowanstar's turn to speak now.

"We are thrilled at Blackstar's death because he was just too old. The fans were getting tired of him being leader."

Onestar's turn now.

"I wish my name was Fivestar. That is all. Nothing to report."

Bramblestar's turn.

"Me and Squirrelflight are star-crossed lovers again."

The day after the Gathering, Squrrelflight was pregnant.

"Oh, NOW my kits are coming, after like what, 3 or 4 years?" Squirrelflight ranted impatiently. "How did Bonnie from Family Guy manage to keep it together?" She remembered that one instance where they had cat sex, sometime during Twilight. Bramblestar was surprised. That's how Bramblestar didn't know he wasn't the father of the Three. Yes, Squirrelflight had been expecting kits ever since the events of Twilight.

She lay in Jayfeather and Leafpool's den. Her kits shot out of her like bullets out of a BB gun.

"Careful there. You'll shoot someone's eye out," Leafpool said with amusement.

"You're tellin me," Bramblestar said, with his eye dangling out of its socket, struggling not to accidentally chew on it as he spoke.

"Oh dear, looks like we'll need a bunch of herbs for that," Jayfeather remarked. Squrrelflight's kits swatted and jumped at Bramblestar's eye, using it as a cat toy. The kits looked exactly like scaled down versions of Bramblestar and Squrrelflight, respectively, as if they were part of an animated Disney film. Jayfeather put Bramblestar's eye back in and made him swallow a bunch of herbs. "Herbs make the world go round," he sang.

"Hmmm, that one looks like me and I look like a younger Tigerstar. Let's mix it up a little." He named the female kit Tigerkit and the male Bramblekit. "I love myself."

"But.." Squirrelflight started to protest but all her arguing energy was used up earlier when she argued with Graystripe about why Mistystar couldn't possibly be his kit. _I should have been the one to name them since they're my kits._

"Welcome to the Clan," the others said with welcoming expressions.

Several units of time later...

"By the power vested in me, I pronounce you man and w- I mean, you may kiss the- I mean by the power of StarClan vested in me, I shall give you your warrior names. Hollypaw, you will now be known as Hollyleaf. Fernpaw, you will be known as Ferncloud, and Sorrelpaw, you will be known as Sorreltail." Their new names were chanted in the crowd of cats. Lionblaze felt a warm feeling that it was kinda like his sister was alive again.

"Just a question," Hollyleaf asked.

"Shoot," Bramblestar said. Hollyleaf cleared her throat.

"When warriors get their new names, how does the Clan leader decide the second part of their name?"

"Good question. We get them from StarClan. Not only do they watch over us and serve as our spirit advisors and give us lame prophecies that don't even rhyme, but they also do our thinkin' for us."

"Yes, but do you know where StarClan gets the names from?" Bramblestar drew a blank.

"Um, let me get back to you on that." Bramblestar pelted all the way to the Moon Pool for answers.

He could see Firestar putting a piece of bread around his neck.

"Yo, Firestar, I need to ask you something. Where does StarClan come up with the suffix of Warrior names?"

"Um, we, um, pull em out of our asses." Firestar said with shifty eyes. Bramblestar could feel something whiz by, barely grazing his fur. Bramblestar turned around and picked it up. It looked kinda like a hummingbird but kinda metallic. It was sharp at one end.

"Yellowfang, watch where you throw those! You almost brutally hurt Bramblestar!" Firestar scolded.

"Sorry," Yellowfang apologized. Bramblestar padded over to the adjacent tree and gasped. On one side of the adjacent tree was a rectangle of thin papery sheets with random words written on them. Storm, tail, jaw, tooth, wing, leg, tail, step, stripe, wind, etc. _Those are warrior name suffixes._

"You got me," Firestar sighed with slight annoyance. "We just leave it up to chance. So when a kit is born, the mother or father decides on the name prefix, but the warrior name suffix is gotten by randomly throwing a dart at this tree while wearing a blindfold, and whichever word it lands on becomes the suffix of the cat's warrior name whose ceremony it is."

Bramblestar nodded. "Thanks."

"You know what's funny? When Stormcloud got his warrior name, I originally got Stormstorm, but I had to rethrow because that's a dumb name, so the dart landed on cloud the second time, so yeah."

Firestar padded up to Bramblestar.

"Since Spottedleaf is with us no more, I shall do all your thinkin for you, so hold on tight, for a storm much greater than the one your Clan endured is brewing." Firestar said ominously.

Bramblestar awoke at the Moon Pool. _I wonder what that guy meant by that. _

Ever since the hurricane, Bramblestar wondered how ThunderClan could just sit by and let innocent kittypets suffer in their respective plights. _I cannot think for myself. _He was wearing a bracelet that read 'WWFD' which stands for 'what would Firestar do?' "I think Firestar would want every single kittypet in the world safe from harm's way. I mean, he was on the way to make ThunderClan into Kittypet Clan. If ThunderClan is to remain strong through whatever weather, cold or warm, I must oversaturate it with kittypets. Citizens of ThunderClan, I am going on a long journey around the world to rescue all the distressed kittypets."

"Have you got bees in your brain?" Dovewing protested. "You can't leave your Clan just to travel all over the world just to deliver all the distressed kittypets of the world to ThunderClan."

"I have to because I believe it's the right thing to do. Firestar did what he thought was right even if it was an unpopular opinion, so I must follow in his footsteps." Bramblestar sped off, and made a device resembling a dowsing rod, which he dubbed the kittypet radar. Anytime he was near a distressed kittypet, the stick would vibrate. I will spare you all the boring details, but Bramblestar traveled the globe for forty days and forty nights, snagging whatever distressed kittypets he found and taking them back to ThunderClan. Even tho the entire Clan including Squirrelflight hated him more than people hate Hello Kitty by Avril Lavigne, he still thought it was worth it.

Eventually his search brought him to west Africa. He accidentally stepped on a pile of cat corpses, much to his disgust, and found a forlorn looking she-cat. She was coughing so much she had hardly any time to breathe. "I can feel my insides liquefying," she said in between hacking coughs.

"My StarClan, I'd better take you back to my Clan, which has a medicine cat that could cure you."

Bramblestar took the sick kittypet back to ThunderClan.

"JAYFEATHER, it's an emergency, my latest kittypet recruit is coughing really bad and said that her insides are-"

"What is this, kittypet Clan?" Jayfeather interrupted, eyes narrowed. "Dude, about 99% of this Clan is kittypet. We might as well rename ThunderClan to KittypetClan."

"Good ide-" Bramblestar was interrupted by a zerg rush of coughs escaping from a big hole in the bottom of his head. "Oh StarClan, now I feel my insides liquefying."

Jayfeather beckoned Bramblestar and the African kittypet to come into his den. He made them step up onto the digital scale, and Jayfeather jotted down some notes. He then took their temperatures.

"Just as I feared. Bramblestar, this is your fault. West Africa is stricken with super black cough, otherwise known as Ebola. It is worse than greencough. It is highly contagious. You have brought this dangerous disease to our Clan. I thought it was just an urban legend, but apparently it's true. We must alert the other Clans. We must kill this cat."

"NO! We are not killing any cats. We need strength in numbers in case another big storm comes that makes the lake flood super bad.

"Okay, we'll try to cure her but since we don't know exactly what it does, I'll have to put her in quarantine. I think the only way to achieve this is to bury her alive. You too, Bramblestar, since you seem to be sick with Ebola as well."

Jayfeather rushed over to ShadowClan's border.

"I need to speak with Rowanstar and whoever the current medicine cat of ShadowClan is." Jayfeather requested. "Hey, my nigga Rowanstar, Bramblestar has accidentally doomed us all by bringing Ebola to the lake. Just thought I'd warn you and keep an eye on any coughing cats or cats complaining of their insides liquefying. Please keep away from ThunderClan and if it spreads, I think all 4 medicine cats should team up and control this outbreak." Jayfeather then began coughing. "SHIT SHIT SHIT!" Jayfeather pelted back to ThunderClan. "I have to bury my-no, I can't! I have to control this Ebola outbreak or die trying."

With the medicine cats alerting the other Clans and inadvertently passing the disease along, all the Clans now had the Ebola outbreak spread to them.

"Since I now have Ebola, my ability to effectively treat other cats has been compromised, so I must pass along my knowledge of herbs and stuff to a healthy cat."

"I'll do it," Millie offered.

"Shut up Millie," Jayfeather spat."

"I don't care, I must."

Meanwhile in SkyClan...

"Leafstar, a cat is coughing in ThunderClan."

"SHUT...DOWN...EVERYTHING!"

"Okay, you win. First, make a suit that covers your whole body out of large leaves scattered about so it can't spread to you, then..." Jayfeather taught and quizzed her on all the herbs. "Okay, you should be good to go. I have no idea how to cure Ebola but maybe you can figure something out." Those were Jayfeather's last words before falling into a dead heap of fur. It wasn't easy. She collected a bunch of large leaves, trying her best to dodge any sick cats, and any cats not showing symptoms would also have to dress up in leaf suits as well. She sewed them all together and put the whole apparatus over her body, which fit her perfectly and covered her head to toe. She was too panicked to even think at all, so she was not in nearly any state to even think about how to cure Ebola. Would catmint work? She had to try. It cured greencough. Surely there had to be some chance? She grabbed a mouthful of catmint by the Twolegplace.

Millie unburied Bramblestar and the African cat just to find out they were dead. Millie stifled an angry yowl blaspheming StarClan. Too late. Cats were dying by the truckload, faster than Millie could even try to give them catmint.

The only healthy cats left besides Millie were Squirrelflight, Dovewing, Lionblaze, and the kits of Squrrelflight and Cinderheart that no one cares about. Everyone else had died of Ebola because they were too late in delivering the catmint. There were healthy cats still alive in other Clans but ThunderClan is all that matters.

"This is the worst thing that has ever happened in the history of the Clans," Lionblaze wailed. "My mate is gone, and Bramblestar lost his nine lives quicker than Tigerstar. If only there was some way to bring all the casualties back to life."

Squirrelflight arrived back from the MoonPool. "Hi niggaz, I'm officially Squirrelstar now. I say we have lots and lots of sex to repopulate ThunderClan. Let's have an orgy."

"No, no no, NO!" Lionblaze said with a clenched shaking fist and arched back, slightly hissing. "We are not doing any of that. In fact, I think I might know of a way to bring all the casualties back to life."

Lionblaze hoped that his crazy plan that he just pulled out of his ass would work.

He dug up all the corpses of the dead cats that died of Ebola, put them on a monster, and waited for a thunderstorm to come. It was not easy because thunderstorms are uncontrollable and random. When one finally did come, lightning struck the monster, and then the dead cats opened their eyes. They were partially decomposed and looked something like Golden Bonnie from Five Nights at Freddy's 3. Lionblaze winced. The dead cats were walking slowly but menacingly toward the survivors.

"Brains. Brains!" The dead cats all chanted. Millie screamed as she recognized zombie Graystripe.

Pretty soon they were surrounded on all sides by zombie versions of dead RiverClan, ShadowClan, and WindClan cats.

"There's Heavystep. But I honestly can't tell if that's a zombie or just regular Heavystep," Lionblaze observed.

"For gosh sakes, it's just one disaster after another. First the Dark Forest battle, then a greencough outbreak, then a hurricane, then an Ebola outbreak, now a zombie apocalypse! When will it end?" Millie panicked.

"Since we can't escape, we have to be prepared to fight." Lionblaze sounded more confident than he felt. For the first time in forever, he had come to terms with losing his power. All the live cats fought the undead cats using Dark Forest moves. But the undead cats kept getting back up as if nothing happened and continued pursuing them.

"It's no use! This is even worse than the Dark Forest battle. Lionblaze, it's all your fault! You just had to be Frankenstein and bring them back to life as zombies." Lionblaze ran off.

"Where's he going? Doesn't he know that way leads to a badger set?" Millie murmured. "Lionblaze, if you're going to kill yourself because of what I said, I'm sorry, I take it back. You don't have to do this," Millie yelled. Lionblaze didn't appear to hear her and crawled into the badger set.

"Hey kid badgers, yo mama is so fat, when she goes camping, bears hide their food from her."

The zombie cats turned around. "Hey, Millie and the others," Lionblaze whispered. "If we act really stupid then hopefully the zombie cats will think we have no brain and leave us alone."

"Yeah!" The other cats agreed. Still in the badger set, Squirrelstar and the others began twerking and shouting "YOLO swag".

"I wanna write a Shaman King and Spongebob Squarepants crossover," one of the kits said.

Just as they expected, the zombie cats backed off and eventually left the lake.

"We did it!" The live cats all cheered.

"Not quite. We still have to repopulate the lake," Squirrelstar reminded them.

After their orgy, Squirrelstar and Millie were the designated cat egg dispensers, and when the eggs hatched, the kits came out and carried on the legacy. Giving them actual names was a chore, so they just called them cat 1, cat 2, cat 3, etc.


End file.
